baked-alaska
Photo: theredelephants

Speak vs. the Alt Right

Like most things in 2017, it all started with a tweet. Tim “Baked Alaska” Gionet, known internet white supremacist and curdled cup of Chobani plain nonfat yogurt, took it upon himself to send empty-hearted, attention-seeking “prayers” to victims of Central Mexico’s 7.1 earthquake. After a day of seeing people pulled from the broken remains of buildings and witnessing the city that I currently call home fractured beyond repair, I had had enough.

Divisive, manipulative, racist attention whores who stand on the soapbox of bigotry and proudly proclaim, “Build that wall,” do not get to use Mexico’s tragedy for RTs and faves. Men who shamelessly take mirror selfies posing with the autobiography of former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke do not get to flip the narrative and collect kudos from adoring idiot admirers for being kind and compassionate. You aren’t kind and compassionate, Tim. Your empathy is a thinly veiled diversion from what we all know you are: A blatant racist and opportunistic spin artist that failed at rap.

You were a joke then with your lack of musical ability and have become an even bigger one now with your “free speech” pandering to the bigots you call fans. You remember those days, don’t you Timmy? Lurking the shadows of L.A.’s underground rap scene trying desperately to latch onto and leech off of black music and fuck underage girls at HAM on Everything parties? We certainly do.

My response to the alt right’s minor league mascot? We do not want your Nazi prayers. We do not want your sympathy. We want you and those who share your views to fuck off.

A day before sending his sincerest condolences to the people of Mexico who lost loved ones, Gionet was smugly broadcasting to his audience of 190,000 followers how it would be a shame if every American had the ICE hotline handy, ready to use at any moment. ICE: the same anti-immigration unit that has notoriously been executing raids outside of courthouses as immigrants in residency limbo attempt to legally sort their immigration status.

In February, ICE sent agents to a Texas hospital to arrest and detain Sara Beltran-Hernandez, an undocumented immigrant from El Salvador awaiting surgery to remove a brain tumor. The mother of two is the furthest things from a “bad hombre,” rapist, murderer or MS-13 gang member that the far right and President Trump like to paint all immigrants from Latin America as. Yet, here again is Alaska sitting upon a throne of bullshit, propaganda and racist intentions goading his shrinky dick nationalist fan base into being coldhearted scum fucks.

It’s that kind of public display of two-faced, manipulative, race-baiting logic that’s going to result in you getting your ass kicked. Karma came and paid you a visit, albeit in a minor dose, down in Charlottesville. It was there, in front of your goofy internet brethren and a live streaming audience, that you were seen squealing on the ground like the spineless piece of neo-Nazi shit you are after being maced. Oh, the irony. During the moment when a man whose whole internet persona and rhetoric is sugar-coated hate speech actually steps out into the real world, he is laid out like a coward. Rolling around the grass, begging for his whole milk allies to quell the scorching sting of justice by pouring milk onto his face. Very alpha male of you.

 

Baked Alaska’s blooper reel of internet fails is beginning to reach mythical status. This past week, Lil Timmy, armed with a selfie stick, took his obnoxious, entitled white man schtick to the streets of Hollywood where he proceeded to harass a crew of women who called him a white supremacist. Being outed for what you truly are must hurt—even more so when there isn’t a retweet button to rally your faceless followers to troll in your weasley defense. Alaska’s dim-witted response to being called out for his bullshit was to stick the camera in the faces of these women, record and harass them with the sophomoric bullying tactics of Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. Somebody should have informed Tim that invading a stranger’s personal space and deflecting responsibility for jackass behavior with the ol’ “you can’t touch me or I’ll call the cops” line never works when the true victim doesn’t fear you.

Our brave heroine responded by slapping his phone to the ground, damaging it and leaving Alaska to whine for the cops in the streets of Hollywood. Trying to gain sympathy from the bouncers and club owner of Playhouse only resulted in him being escorted from the premises and left with another milestone in his douche bag legacy.

 

Stan culture and cyberbullying tactics know no bounds. Even the lamest and shittiest online personalities are the beneficiaries of devoted fans. After I called out Tim on Twitter, I’ve been bombarded with some of the most unimaginative name-calling, stereotyping and attempted intimidation I’ve ever seen. Users with names like MAGAXMOUNTIANDEW420 and REAL_PATRIOT1994 have humorously called for my deportation ( I am a born and raised American citizen), called for iTunes to remove my music catalog, doxxed me and sent death threats. One even attempted to insult my sexuality by finding a picture I tweeted of the WWE’s Hardy Boyz. That particularly hyperintelligent Trump supporter thought I was Jeff Hardy in a pink mesh shirt. I’m clearly not. It was great.

 

Your boy who cried wolf for sympathy even managed to gain the support of Paul Joseph Watson, producer of Info Wars and a man who is foxholed up in a bunker somewhere in the UK, making YouTube videos about gay frogs, Sandy Hook not actually happening, and conspiracy theories about Barack Obama being a time-traveling Muslim from the C-137 dimensions.

 

The common thread I’ve noticed in my brief interactions with this disgusting subterranean part of the internet is that it’s all a work. Empty accounts with minimal followers, likely based in the Midwest or farmed somewhere in Russia. All of them throw around hollow, meaningless phrases like “tolerant left,” “build the wall,” “ANTIFA,” and “fake news.” To be perfectly honest, I don’t know what any of that shit means, nor do I care. But here is a bit of real news for you Baked Alaska: Those fans of yours couldn’t protect you from being maced. Those real Americans couldn’t intimidate the petite women that smashed your iPhone and then laughed in your face.

Free speech is a myth of entitlement. You aren’t a patriot and there are repercussions for hate speech and obnoxious behavior. You foolishly called for my deportation then cried for ICE, Twitter Safety and Homeland Security once I declared I was going to beat your ass. None of them can fight your fights. When you have two passports, pay taxes on both sides of the border and have no criminal record, maneuvering is fairly simple.

All this online back and forth shit-talking is cute, but remember this: I am not from 4chan, I am not from ANTIFA and I sure as hell ain’t from Reddit. I’ve never been moved or intimidated by any white supremacist. I’ve never shied away from conflict. I am proud to be Mexican. And even during its darkest moments, I am proud to be an American. I am from Los Angeles and I will happily see you very soon, cupcake. Take care. #MAGA #LOLS #PWNED #SnowFlake

Related Posts

News
News

President Retweets Image Of “Trump Train” Running Over CNN Reporter

News
News

Alt-Right Dickhead Richard Spencer Gets Punched In the Face, Internet Cheers

Politics
Politics

Police In Alaska Return Man’s Weed After Seizing It At Airport Because Legalization Is the Shit

Politics
Politics

Pepe the Frog Kidnapped By Alt-Right, Designated As a Hate Symbol

Features
Features

Making ‘Half Baked,’ the First Film Starring Dave Chappelle

Ad

Latest News

nas-rapture Film

PREPARE FOR ‘RAPTURE’

Mass Appeal’s new Netflix series premieres this weekend at SXSW
same Hot Takes

It Was a Type Beat Year

The search for something new in a year of sameness
shea serrano Features

Shea Serrano Quit His Teaching Job, Now He Has Two Best Sellers and Two TV Shows

"It is funny to just walk in and just be a Mexican, because I’m usually the only one there"
mf doom Features

The 10 Best DOOM Songs of 2017, Ranked

Even after 'The Missing Notebook Rhymes' went missing, the masked villain still caused havoc
worst cops Features

The Worst Cops of 2017

The hall of shame
donald trump Features

32 Songs That Dissed Donald Trump in 2017

The "F.D.T." wave
lil peep News

R.I.P. Gus, Long Live Lil Peep

Resisting nostalgia at the speed of the internet
88 rising Features

Sean Miyashiro of 88rising Connected the Cultures

With 1.25 million YouTube subscribers and a gang of talent, 88rising controlled the new East-West flow
eminem Video

Eminem By the Numbers

You may know how many f*cks he gives, but what about the other crucial figures from Slim Shady's career?
tape Features

Why 2017 Was Rap’s Year of the Tape

Seven labels explain why they're still rewinding cassettes back
safdie brothers Features

The Safdie Brothers Got Gritty as 2017’s Filmmakers to Watch

"You might not like the feeling that you're feeling, but you can still be entertained by that feeling."
best albums Features

The 25 Best Albums of 2017

The essential sounds that defined one very strange year
hey arnold Humor

Everything About Christmas is Awful, Except the ‘Hey Arnold!’ Special

The one redeeming thing about this trash holiday
combat-jack Features

Knowledge Darts Vol. 32: Winter Solstice

I never got to say thank you
jeezy Video

Open Space: Jeezy

"You can’t just crush a diamond with a rock. It’s hard, it’s tough. But it’s bright."
Video

Rhythm Roulette: Boi-1da

The wait is over