a sweet basket of fried chicken goodness from the Louisiana's greatest fried chicken establishment, popeyes
Photo: Fortune

Popeyes is King and KFC is a Waste of Good Poultry

Last week, a restaurant in California was busted for selling Popeyes fried chicken as their own sweet recipe, and the owner of  Sweet Dixie Kitchen wasn’t even stressed about it. After the news broke, she said, “We PROUDLY SERVE Popeyes spicy tenders — the best fried chicken anywhere and from New Orleans — which are delivered twice a day.”

A bizarre response from a restaurant caught selling another establishment’s food. However, she certainly isn’t wrong about Popeyes being the best, even if my guy Joshua Scott Albert was absolutely wrong when he took a shot at the Louisiana Kitchen at the end of the his Dixie Kitchen news piece.

But here’s the thing about Josh. He doesn’t give a fuck and criticizing him only fires him up so after the MASS APPEAL readership came after him for his shot in the kicker, he doubled down on this ridiculous–and absolutely wrong–opinion in his abomination of a piece, Yes, Popeyes is Trash.

Now you know I wasn’t going to let that shit slide, so it’s time to set the record straight once and for all. Kentucky Fried Chicken has never been good and it certainly isn’t better than Louisiana’s finest fried delicacy, Popeyes.

Put it this way, would you rather eat some nasty, over-seasoned, dry-as-Donald-Trump’s-dick chicken with some soggy-ass skin? Or would you rather eat some always moist, golden and crispy, perfectly-seasoned, fried goodness? I think the answer is clearer than the transparent grease circles of a takeout container stuffed with deliciousness.

But before I really get going, let me share my earliest memories of KFC for all of y’all. Colonel Sanders was once blocks away from my family’s apartment. I remember my Dad copped chicken on multiple occasions there and returned it back to the store because it was not to his liking.

The Colonel’s specialty at this specific location was serving ass chicken and that shit deadass closed down because they found rat shit everywhere. That really isn’t too surprising if any of y’all remember that fried KFC rat.

GARBAGE

Full disclosure, I grew up in a home that generally disliked American fried chicken. My Mom only messed with Karaage and I can write a whole other piece on why my Mom’s Japanese fried chicken is likely better than any American fried chicken I’ve ever eaten. But let’s get back to the matter at hand because KFC is a waste of good poultry.

On those few nights in my crib, when my Mom was cheffing it up late in a kitchen (yes, she’s a professional cook so I know what’s what when it comes to eating good), my Pops was never really about that cooking life and his kids weren’t with it either. On those nights, it was about eating the finest junk food New York had to offer, namely Szechaun Kitchen, Halal Guys, or any fire fast food that my Dad could have quickly picked up on his way back home from a long gig.

However, my Dad always had this soft spot for fried chicken, specifically of the Popeyes variety. After dealing with that dry-ass garbage that Col. Sanders thought he was real slick serving up at his spot on 73rd and 2nd, my Pops vowed to never eat that shit again.

Instead, we would drive Uptown and double park right in front of that Popeyes at 116th and Lenox. To this day, when I see that orange glow I know I’m about to embark on a Thanksgiving feast. Whenever I enter a KFC and see the Colonel’s twisted smile on the other hand, I know I’m bound for a night of high sodium regret.

Let’s start with the basics, the biscuits from Popeyes got this crispiness and chewiness that KFC simply doesn’t have. The second that dough hits your taste buds, it’s butter heaven. That sweet biscuit is both the perfect appetizer and a great dessert. What more could you want?

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of sides. I’m a strong believer in that a fried chicken meal consists of four main ingredients. Chicken, fries, one biscuit and a bev to make sure you mouth ain’t as dry as the Sahara Desert after consuming massive amounts of salt.

Just to keep it real, if KFC is good at anything, it is delivering some great value with those hefty wedge fries. I’m not too big on the deep fried shoestrings that Popeyes serve. But this debate is about who makes better fried chicken and the answer is plain and simple, man.

KFC over-seasons the fuck out of their dry and bland chicken. It’s as if they’re trying too hard to cover up how bad their chicken actually tastes. Popeyes on the other hand knows less is more and that’s what makes them the kings of this fried chicken shit. Order it spicy, put some of that good “Louisiana” cayenne hot sauce on it and it’s a wrap. Always crispy, never dry and more bang for your buck then that red bucket trash. It’s orange box gang all day, you already know.

Now, we all have our opinions on what unhealthy fried chicken we want to consume, and I’m sure they are a lot of heads out there that only eat Kennedy’s or Crown. And I’m not going to lie I’ve had a few (let me stress very few) decent times with the Colonel (pause). However, if we are going to keep it 100, we all know that Colonel Sanders ain’t got nothing on Queen Annie’s Cajun gold, and there’s no debating that.

 

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